Banana Humping makes Good Writers

Or so I like to believe. Neville Shute said once, you have to have seen some life before you have anything to write. Or something like that.

Although when I went for the Banana Humping job (I think it deserves capitals) it was to prevent myself from going under, Down Under - not to get material for a blog.

No-one mentioned that I would be carrying bunches of bananas up to double my body weight, or that my colleagues would be machete-wielding pot-smokers (I have nothing against pot-smokers, but they shouldn't be combined with machetes).

My point is, that jobs like these give you a new perspective - they let you almost know what it feels like to have your fingers chopped off and see them scattered into the undegrowth of a Ciquita banana plantation. I quit before it got to that stage.

I quit strawberry picking just before the red fruits sprouted legs and ran off.

I gave up pot-washing before the portakabin kitchen on stilts fell 15 feet to the ground (NHS logic).

I Left the mango fields before I was left blinded by the ultra-acidic juice inside.

I Ran away from the tomato farm before the 16-stone lesbian farmer lady ran me over with her quad bike (I have nothing against lesbians, but this one preferred petite female Japanese labour over workshy Poms).

I stopped working for a removal company because the contract was only for 4 hours.

If nothing else, these valuable experiences have provided enough material for a short blog.
My advice is, get as many jobs as possible - but leave before you're maimed, blinded or murdered.

Thanks for your time.

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